Fixes https://github.com/element-hq/synapse/issues/16680, as well as a
related bug, where servers which we had *never* successfully sent an
event to would not be retried.
In order to fix the case of pending to-device messages, we hook into the
existing `wake_destinations_needing_catchup` process, by extending it to
look for destinations that have pending to-device messages. The
federation transmission loop then attempts to send the pending to-device
messages as normal.
b5322b4daf